dodging the lemons

Life has been throwing lemons at me. With every single lemon successfully hitting me where it hurts the most. Well, Life's been a remarkably good marksman I must say. But at the same time, I feel so bruised all over, and right now this is the most terrible feeling in the world. Where's my optimism when I need it?

Well, life has been spinning out of my control recently, in more ways than one. You know, when one moment things are perfect, and the next thing you know, the perfection becomes a figment of your imagination. Sigh I shall stop contemplating and start feeling. I'm so tired. And not to mention stressed out. I'm kinda worried over the state of my econs seeing that there's a lecture test next week. To tell the truth, the next few weeks are gonna be pretty daunting I guess. Tough decisions, even tougher people to face. But I will make it through, that's for certain.

The truth is, one daunting part of my life now is surprisingly, my class. I really don't have the least idea why I'm just so wary around most of my classmates. It makes me wonder whether I even tried in the first place, because if I didn't, then I wouldn't have a right to feel this way, would I? I think my feelings show right smack on my face, which really doesn't help things. But I just can't act natural around my class, and there's really no one I can actually connect to (like on the same wavelength or something) and it just makes me feel even more insecure about things. OH MY GOSH STOP IT VERNA. 

I figured, it's not possible for me to be able to connect with every single person I meet. I've been really lucky, finding awesome people I can talk to. But I haven't been able to connect with lots of people, and it's incredibly disappointing. But I guess it's just a sad fact of life, not being able to connect with everyone. Maybe I need to try harder though.

Anyway, I'm surprised my brain hasn't turned into complete mush after the past few weeks. Lectures require lots and lots of brain power, because it's just so easy for me to drift off into my own little world.There's so much I have to do this weekend it's killing me. But I'm gonna take it one step at a time. AND I just wish I could go to boston, like right this moment. Sigh, I'm really hoping becky's coming back in may, so excited to see her again <3

there can be miracles, when you believe;