"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” - C.S. Lewis
But what if the things we're leaving behind are far greater
than what lies ahead? What then?
I'm so afraid of what lies ahead
and although telling myself this won't change a thing, I still tell myself
anyway. I've experienced first hand how paralyzing fear is, it leaves you stuck
in the middle, unable to return to the comforts of the past yet unwilling to
face the future. I remember repeatedly telling myself last year that "I'll
cross that bridge when I actually get to it" and it was comforting at that
point in time, but now, it just feels we're moving closer and closer towards
that bridge with no possibility of retreat. AHH I'M SO NEGATIVE IT KILLS ): And
people tell me I'm little miss sunshine when I'm secretly a closet
pessimist.
Anyway. Aside from this great
fear that I really have to get over soon, which I will (yay optimism!), so many
wonderful things have been happening. Things have been falling into place,
people have been amazing and I've been getting more sleep, more than the 4
hours a day thing that I used to survive on. Today was a happy happy day, other
than it being the last day of term, which is a pretty sad thing if you ask me.
I realise I have lovely classmates, I just never bothered to figure them out
more, and regretfully, maaaybe one of my greatest regrets would be how I let
opportunities like these slip past. Me stepping back, and expecting others to
step forward when they actually step back even further. That's the thing about
me: I never ever take the first step, and I really admire those who do. Lack of
initiative and pure blindness on my part, I guess. Somehow, though, I really
love these people even if I don't know them that well. I've always wondered how
it worked yknow, how it's possible to not know someone well and yet love that
person still. Now I get it. :)
Hehe today I remembered some of
the stuff we talked about in vietnam and (this is such a girly thing to do but)
I remembered we made lists of traits we wanted in our ideal guys. And I
realised that my list has expanded since then hahahahahaha just goes to show
how critical I'm getting. Ahhhh I want someone who would sing I See The Light
(from Tangled) to me everyday I keep listening to it over and over again
recently and it's the sweetest song ever!! Remind me to play it at my wedding
k. And and someone who's a dreamer. And whom I can share silence with and still
enjoy it. Haha you get the point.
Sigh I miss vietnam ): what
happened to the good old days when the kids in go vap meant the world to us and
studies were pushed to the back of our minds. And Forever and Always
(parachute!) and One Boy, One Girl (collin raye!) were playing on repeat in our
heads :)
