It's been almost two months, and I still haven't quite figured out whether I'm cut out for this. But the one thing that keeps me happy, keeps me coming back to this place are definitely the kids. There's something amazing about the kids I've met, I can't put my finger on it yet, but talking to these kids (yes, just talking and getting to know them as people) leaves me with this warm glow inside. Each day I learn a little more about what it means to be a teacher, and I've begun to realise I have power over the littlest things, the power to make kids feel a little more loved, appreciated, understood and cared for. It's this power that I don't quite trust myself with, because who knows what may happen when I screw up. Teaching is something that doesn't tolerate screw-ups, and I'll admit that I screw up a lot, and for all the right things that you do, students tend to remember you for your screw-ups more than anything else. But I'm nowhere near ready to leave this place and its people behind, currently bursting with love for this school and all the amazing students I've met, and I swear it's these newfound friends that make me want to stay on, even if it's just for a few more months.
Also, the past three months have been mad awesome, and I can't believe it's already been three months since we graduated. The past months have changed me in so many unexpected ways, subtle, but still there. Results come out friday, and the thought of getting 'em back on that flimsy piece of paper really terrifies me. Mixed feelings of dread and anticipation (can't tell the difference), coupled with fear of what comes after - uni/college, scholarship apps, the future. Had my heart set on going to the us years ago, just hope my grades get me where I want to be. Or rather, where I'm meant to be.
At times like these, I feel small. These precious kids take on bigger problems than themselves, and here I am wallowing in self-doubt. I admire these kids so much more than they'll ever know. : )
