doing what I love, and loving it;

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
 
- What Faith Can Do by Kutless (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1JBSQMkQEo)

I just thought I should do a decent post before I head off to mount ophir for the rest of the week. Anyway, things have passed crazily fast. Almost one quarter of our JC lives are over but it really doesn't feel like it one bit. The thought of what's to come is frightening me more than ever but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. (If I actually get to it, that is.) I realise I've been making lots of decisions these days. I'm really not one for making decisions, because I am someone who thinks of opportunity costs way too much and it just messes everything up big time.

But I daresay becky would be proud of me if she were here now. Because I've been doing what I love, and that's all that matters, really. Being around the people I love, being happy, and just being me, I swear there's nothing more that I can ask for. And and becky's gonna come back end may for summer break!! I really really really can't wait to see her again, it's really been too long. 


do what you love and love what you do,

dodging the lemons

Life has been throwing lemons at me. With every single lemon successfully hitting me where it hurts the most. Well, Life's been a remarkably good marksman I must say. But at the same time, I feel so bruised all over, and right now this is the most terrible feeling in the world. Where's my optimism when I need it?

Well, life has been spinning out of my control recently, in more ways than one. You know, when one moment things are perfect, and the next thing you know, the perfection becomes a figment of your imagination. Sigh I shall stop contemplating and start feeling. I'm so tired. And not to mention stressed out. I'm kinda worried over the state of my econs seeing that there's a lecture test next week. To tell the truth, the next few weeks are gonna be pretty daunting I guess. Tough decisions, even tougher people to face. But I will make it through, that's for certain.

The truth is, one daunting part of my life now is surprisingly, my class. I really don't have the least idea why I'm just so wary around most of my classmates. It makes me wonder whether I even tried in the first place, because if I didn't, then I wouldn't have a right to feel this way, would I? I think my feelings show right smack on my face, which really doesn't help things. But I just can't act natural around my class, and there's really no one I can actually connect to (like on the same wavelength or something) and it just makes me feel even more insecure about things. OH MY GOSH STOP IT VERNA. 

I figured, it's not possible for me to be able to connect with every single person I meet. I've been really lucky, finding awesome people I can talk to. But I haven't been able to connect with lots of people, and it's incredibly disappointing. But I guess it's just a sad fact of life, not being able to connect with everyone. Maybe I need to try harder though.

Anyway, I'm surprised my brain hasn't turned into complete mush after the past few weeks. Lectures require lots and lots of brain power, because it's just so easy for me to drift off into my own little world.There's so much I have to do this weekend it's killing me. But I'm gonna take it one step at a time. AND I just wish I could go to boston, like right this moment. Sigh, I'm really hoping becky's coming back in may, so excited to see her again <3

there can be miracles, when you believe;

If you really want to know,

Surprisingly, no one ever complains about work these days. It's different now. I remember how in rg, everyone used to wallow in self-pity together, everyone would just moan and groan about how stressed we were. And that really did wonders in relieving all that pent-up stress. Knowing you're not alone, knowing you have friends who are experiencing exactly what you're experiencing definitely raises your self-esteem up a notch. But these days, though everyone's so uptight and tense, no one's willing to admit it. Everyone just appears too calm and relaxed on the surface, and it scares me big time.

It's all so messed up in a way that every word you utter might hold you guilty for something, or make you appear to be someone you're not. In other words, we're not just seen or heard, but judged. It's all about the image you want to project to others, and it's that same image that everyone's so concerned about lately. It has become a chore for me, contemplating my actions, being wary of what others might think of me. But there's so much at stake, too. 

I really need to have more heart-to-hearts with people, they are my sole reminder that there's still some sincerity stashed somewhere.

Oh man, what happened to those simple days?

I'm too afraid to admit it;

so tell me what I want to hear,

it's hard to pretend I don't care, when I really do,

I've had an amazing past couple of weeks, definitely the closest to perfect since term started. People have been surprising me again and again, and in good ways too. These are moments when I tell myself I have to forget everything that's been bothering me and remember that I'm happy where I am. With what I'm doing.

I told myself at the start of this year that I wanted to learn the guitar for becky. A part of me's wishing that I hadn't actually quit guitar already, as I'm definitely letting myself down in a huge way. And giving up is a sure sign of weakness, isn't it? But then there's the part of me that's feeling so proud of myself for quitting guitar and doing away with my unhappiness once and for all. I promise I'll learn the guitar on my own after As, I just really didn't enjoy the cca one bit, and I didn't exactly see a point in staying on and prolonging my unhappiness. 

I've been put in a nice class with really great people. Okay fine this is not exactly the best way to put it, but everyone's really unique and different in their own way, I guess that's probably why it took a bit longer for the ice to break at first. My OG has been meeting up, just met with them for all in the name of art (which was really good btw!), but sometimes the feeling I get is as though we're all perched on thin ice, with no idea of knowing when the ice will start to crack. It's a hard to explain, and I'll probably shouldn't say anymore, too, because I've a feeling it might come out all wrong. 

Anyway, there's really so much work to do this weekend, I'm fearing for my own sanity. I've got a long day today, so I shan't say anymore. Take care everybody :)

You are strength in my weakness
You are the refuge I seek
You are everything in my time of need
You are everything, You are everything I need 
- Everything I Need, Kutless
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzYRUPiIvUE