"The future is scary but you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar. Yes, it's tempting but it's a mistake" - HIMYM
As crazy as it sounds, it's already 2012! I have always had this curious obsession with new stuff, new calendars, new notebooks (that I'll probably use half of and into my forgotten pile they'll go), new pens, new everything. But the new year's still a pretty novel concept in my over complicated brain. It's probably because I'm very very bad at letting go. There's this part of me that thrives under the mistaken idea that I have limitless space in my brain to store every single memory, feeling, emotion, and to constantly experience it over. For one, I seriously overestimated the power of my brain, and for another, I end up being too caught up in the 'here and now' to even think about the 'then'. I'm learning though, it's been getting easier to let go. If I weren't such an emotionally-charged creature it would definitely be much easier, but it's all about embracing life, about throwing out the past, about starting over.
Honestly, I'm pretty freaked out by 2012 already, the concept of As isn't the very least lodged in my head yet, which probably isn't a bad thing, since I really don't need the constant reminders >: Seriously can't believe 2011's over though. It's been quite a crazy year, not entirely perfect, but definitely amazing. Still not quite used to JC yet (see I told you I had problems with adjustment and sorts) but I'm getting there. Hehe but when you put school aside, this year, I have read amazing books, listened to amazing songs, met cool people and learnt so much from this one and only life I have :) Sure, there were disappointments here and there that I can't bear to think about but am slowing coming to terms with, but there were also pretty sweet moments that added a few more watts to my smiles hehehe :> And the people. Passionate people, seriously retarded people, people whom I haven't even got a chance to know well yet, people whom I can share silence with and not feel at all uncomfortable. So much to learn from these people, I realise.
And I learnt that I need to stop fretting about what I'm not and quit feeling guilty about it too. It's seriously unhealthy, and doesn't do much for self-esteem either. I don't have to be the funniest person, or the neatest. I don't have to schedule every second of my life. I don't have to smile just because others are. I don't have to make lists for everything. Just because everyone does it and it works for everyone else doesn't mean it works for me. Okay probably the most bizarre revelation ever, but still a revelation :>
Okay and on to this year. There are so many things I want to do, so many dreams I have yet to fulfil (not all of them realistic, mind you) and a chest full of endless possibilities out there, cliched as it may sound. Getting good grades is just half of it. Listening to my favourite songs on repeat, reading simply beautiful books, getting to know more people better. And the less tangible stuff. Like proper friendships. Finding love in hopeless places hehehe :>. Serving with my heart. And the dreams. America road trips. My 11:11 wishes. College abroad. Riding chestnut horses. The kinda stuff you read about in books. Oh my, I'm getting excited typing all this. :> :> Hehe so no proper resolutions this year, because I'm all about embracing life as it is whee~
