Honestly, I love being in greenridge. That last week of school was especially precious: I loved that I have something in my life that's worth every ounce of my energy. I loved that I had something worth waking up to everyday and that I can fall asleep happy every night. And I don't think I'll ever feel this strongly for anything ever again. I'm no teacher, definitely not trusted with math, but I'm just glad I've been a decent friend. That was all that mattered to me anyway. Sigh okay I'm in serious shit. This is what six months in the same place does to you: you start anchoring roots and you start feeling safe and comfortable being you again. Perhaps that's why knowing it'll be taken away all too soon leaves this giant lump in my throat and an even greater emptiness in my heart. Is it even possible to keep them in my life while I carry on with the rest of my life?? I sure hope so.
This eight-month long 'summer' break's (only because it's forever summer in sg) gonna end soon, and I'm so not ready for this next chapter of my life. Everyone seems to be set on where they are going, already making a ton of plans and signing up for camps and housing and whatnot, while I'm still left here hanging, thinking about what to do with my life and finding comfort in the one thing that has meant so much to me the past few months. Does it even make sense?? Studying overseas has been what I always wanted, but what if there are people here that makes studying locally much more worth it? Studying law was never what I had in mind, but what if it's more rewarding than I actually thought? Ughhh still so uncertain and I don't trust myself to make the right decision on an issue as important as my future.
I find myself being more and more careless about what I say lately, like I suddenly say stuff without thinking and people get mad and they don't want me in their lives anymore. ): And who am I to try to keep them in my life if they don't want to be in it in the first place. Either I try too hard or I don't try at all THERE IS SRSLY NO IN BETWEEN that's what I hate about myself sometimes. ugh maybe I just haven't got my priorities in order IDK just fuck it
OH YES the most important thing I've learnt in greenridge thus far (AND PROBABLY AN ESSENTIAL LIFE SKILL) : sometimes it's okay to use the f word, when you're sad or mad or just annoyed at your life in general. Yknow here I am where people use 'fuck' ten times a day and don't give a damn, and you realise that it's actually kinda okay to use it too. HAHA how trivial but I have a knack for noticing trivial stuff.
But I guess it's also in greenridge that I learnt two great extremes of the world. How so damn superficial people can be and how so damn brutally real they can be too. It's the superficial people that scare me, you can feel it radiating off the words they say and the things they do. Worse still, it's these people that seem to have the best of everything, and everyone can't help but bow down to them cuz it does wonders for their reputation. SRSLY mean girls in real life much? And then there are the people who talk to you not because they like talking to you (I mean what other reason is there to talk to someone??) but because you have something they want or it puts them in a more advantaged position somehow. That's the part that hurts more than anything I guess. But it's also the part that prepares you for the real world. RG/RJ was honestly too safe to be true, even if this kinda thing existed, it didn't permeate the school grounds as much as it does here. That's why I'm like the frog in well (井底之蛙).
When you've bared your soul entirely, and given all that you could possibly give, and that still isn't enough, then just suck it up and learnt to live with it.
sometimes all you need is just one person who cares, and you feel like you can accept the other nine-hundred and ninety-nine people in your life who don't.
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