Saturday, April 28, 2012

magical things


"
In college, I used to underline sentences that struck me, that made me look up from the page. They were not necessarily the same sentences the professors pointed out, which would turn up for further explication on an exam. I noted them for their clarity, their rhythm, their beauty and their enchantment. For surely it is a magical thing for a handful of words, artfully arranged, to stop time. To conjure a place, a person, a situation, in all its specificity and dimensions. To affect us and alter us, as profoundly as real people and things do.
 
I remember reading a sentence by Joyce, in the short story “Araby.” It appears toward the beginning. “The cold air stung us and we played till our bodies glowed.” I have never forgotten it. This seems to me as perfect as a sentence can be. It is measured, unguarded, direct and transcendent, all at once. It is full of movement, of imagery. It distills a precise mood. It radiates with meaning and yet its sensibility is discreet. 
When I am experiencing a complex story or novel, the broader planes, and also details, tend to fall away. Rereading them, certain sentences are what greet me as familiars. You have visited before, they say when I recognize them. We encounter books at different times in life, often appreciating them, apprehending them, in different ways. But their language is constant. The best sentences orient us, like stars in the sky, like landmarks on a trail." 
- My Life's Opinions, Jhumpa Lahiri
Sometimes, I wish I could write better, drown myself in pools and pools of beautifully crafted words. But unfortunately, I lack this ability and so my words never seem to hit the right note. I wonder what it feels like though, to write something that people read and go 'that's exactly what I thought', to be able to stir up such deep amazing emotions in people, yet so effortlessly. It must be a gift. And one that should be shared with everyone. Because the one thing we humans need most is to know that we're not alone.

Anyhow, I'm pretty glad this week's over, been breaking down so much I really don't quite know what's got into me. I think it's mainly because I put so much at stake for h3 that I really feel quite the idiot. There's so much of this thing called Life that I missed while cooped up in this wormhole called Biodiversity. And it's kind of ironic, isn't it? That after a whole term and a half of biodiversity, I should be greatly enlightened about the living world. Yet here I am, thoroughly confused about Life and feeling like the most shallow person ever. Or so my narcissistic self says. Ah really need to get a grip on myself; my problems are teeny they don't even deserve to be problems at all, not when there are millions out there with much bigger problems than mine.

It's crazy really how much we sympathize yet how little we empathize.
And there are the people who make things happen, without much of both at all.
Desperately need to empathize more, only through empathy can the things we make happen actually impact people. And impact them in the right way.



Okay off to sleep now, I have this humongous pile of math that I have accumulated from the days of studying for h3 and if there is any hope of it diminishing any time soon, my sleep needs have to be met first.



Saturday, March 31, 2012

and still the world spins.

Hi world. You know, I really miss the times when everyone was genuinely happy. ): These days I just feel like I'm going through the motions of life and school, merely tolerating it rather than living it as I should be. Add in all the stress and the copious amounts of studying we've been doing and you get a bunch of bordering-on-crazy students. The thought of As is just too frightening for me to handle right now, though I have long accepted that fact. It's just pure insanity, taking that one exam to determine the rest of your life. How am I ever gonna get through it ): ok ok I am way too pessimistic lately, need some optimism back in my life!!

Anyway, life has been pretty good. Interact camp came and went, YGH came and went (and a whole lot of designing too), first term came and went. Met some pretty amazing people, had some pretty great experiences with great friends. Currently looking back at the past from time to time and deriving so much joy from the memories that I find myself smiling stupidly to myself on the way home. Hope I'm not being too vague here, but there's so much that has happened in the past months I can't even begin to describe them. I'm just very glad that I have friends standing by me all the time, really glad that I've discovered so many new friendships and rekindled old ones, and blessed that I have all these people to tide through As with. Not going to easy and nothing's guaranteed, but all I know is all of us will see the other side. Eventually. Just like how I thought CTs were going to be the death of me, but I proved myself wrong, emerged stronger, with a battle half-won. Everything's gonna go uphill from here, the gravity of everything's set in, the urgency to prove ourselves always at the back of our minds. But we're definitely more than okay.



Fact of life. But the hunger games was soo good :)

Saturday, March 3, 2012

cmon

Currently pretty excited for Interact Camp later! We're definitely gonna make this work. <3







Saturday, February 25, 2012

'Cause even the stars they burn.

But if something was really important, fate made sure it somehow came back to you and gave you another chance.


Busy week finally over, it's time to hit the books and start studying for CTs proper. The amount of bio and chem we have to study is freaking insane, I'm going crazy just looking at the list. Motivation please come to meeee. Now would be a good time, actually.


On a sidenote, the Jason Mraz's I Won't Give Up lyric video is breathtaking omg. I seriously had to replay it to make sure it was real.


Friday, January 13, 2012

save regrets for the broken


"Two facts about my favourite things: I like being alone because that is when I am most reflective. I like being with people because this is when I get the most inspired. I am a walking contradiction."

First week back at school and I feel like I've been completely drained of any energy. No kidding, school is terribly exhausting. Absolutely, positively exhausting. And it's not just because our homeroom's on the sixth floor. Or because I have officially given up scrambling for the lifts in the morning. Ahh I'm so tired, and there's like a whole pile of stuff to do, I wonder if exhaustion has limits ):


Yes, gotta do away with all the unnecessary judging and start recognising people for who they are. I have really nice people in my life, I realised, and they are all too nice to me that sometimes I don't even believe it's possible. Makes you feel loved, but sometimes, it makes you feel so lonely. Like their being nice to you is an obligation of some sort. Okay I should stop trying to take apart the so-called 'niceness' and go rest my overworked brain for a bit.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

better days

Hi world first day of school tomorrow!! I'm probably the total opposite of an excited enthusiastic kid right now. Anyway this year, I'm gonna be extra hardworking and put that extra bit in whatever I put my mind to. And. I'm gonna cross bridges when I actually get to them instead of having a million little worries swimming in my head. Which basically means stop worrying so much. And I guess everything else will naturally fall into place, wouldn't they? :>

so true so true!! my judgement's so messed up these days.

















Wednesday, December 14, 2011

this beautiful, scary world.


"The future is scary but you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar. Yes, it's tempting but it's a mistake" - HIMYM 

As crazy as it sounds, it's already 2012! I have always had this curious obsession with new stuff, new calendars, new notebooks (that I'll probably use half of and into my forgotten pile they'll go), new pens, new everything. But the new year's still a pretty novel concept in my over complicated brain. It's probably because I'm very very bad at letting go. There's this part of me that thrives under the mistaken idea that I have limitless space in my brain to store every single memory, feeling, emotion, and to constantly experience it over. For one, I seriously overestimated the power of my brain, and for another, I end up being too caught up in the 'here and now' to even think about the 'then'. I'm learning though, it's been getting easier to let go. If I weren't such an emotionally-charged creature it would definitely be much easier, but it's all about embracing life, about throwing out the past, about starting over.

Honestly, I'm pretty freaked out by 2012 already, the concept of As isn't the very least lodged in my head yet, which probably isn't a bad thing, since I really don't need the constant reminders >: Seriously can't believe 2011's over though. It's been quite a crazy year, not entirely perfect, but definitely amazing. Still not quite used to JC yet (see I told you I had problems with adjustment and sorts) but I'm getting there. Hehe but when you put school aside, this year, I have read amazing books, listened to amazing songs, met cool people and learnt so much from this one and only life I have :) Sure, there were disappointments here and there that I can't bear to think about but am slowing coming to terms with, but there were also pretty sweet moments that added a few more watts to my smiles hehehe :> And the people. Passionate people, seriously retarded people, people whom I haven't even got a chance to know well yet,  people whom I can share silence with and not feel at all uncomfortable. So much to learn from these people, I realise.

And I learnt that I need to stop fretting about what I'm not and quit feeling guilty about it too. It's seriously unhealthy, and doesn't do much for self-esteem either. I don't have to be the funniest person, or the neatest. I don't have to schedule every second of my life. I don't have to smile just because others are. I don't have to make lists for everything. Just because everyone does it and it works for everyone else doesn't mean it works for me. Okay probably the most bizarre revelation ever, but still a revelation :>

Okay and on to this year. There are so many things I want to do, so many dreams I have yet to fulfil (not all of them realistic, mind you) and a chest full of endless possibilities out there, cliched as it may sound. Getting good grades is just half of it. Listening to my favourite songs on repeat, reading simply beautiful books, getting to know more people better. And the less tangible stuff. Like proper friendships. Finding love in hopeless places hehehe :>. Serving with my heart. And the dreams. America road trips. My 11:11 wishes. College abroad. Riding chestnut horses. The kinda stuff you read about in books. Oh my, I'm getting excited typing all this. :> :> Hehe so no proper resolutions this year, because I'm all about embracing life as it is whee~